please come you make the beer taste better
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
