Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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