my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
