trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
