We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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