her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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