Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
