what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
