I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
