i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
