dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
