it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
