mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
