but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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