Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
