is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
