it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i think we sleep fucked last night...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
