haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
