My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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