I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
