As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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