Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize