it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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