I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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