Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
