My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
