Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
