My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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