yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You can't motorboat a personality
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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