you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
