New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
