Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
