I just made out with a guy for $7.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
