I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
