Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
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He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize