I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
