i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
