Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
