WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
