with your own penis?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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