I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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