If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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