what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
try to milk me bitch
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