Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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