I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
