I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
