So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ugly people sure do ruin things
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
