When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
