R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
