hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
