I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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