tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
