Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
