Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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