Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
