I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
