I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
