Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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