I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
