those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
