I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
