uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
