I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
