i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
