Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
