I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's always time for handjobs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
