can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
