He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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