yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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