Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
