I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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