It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
